After tonight, that is really something I need to remember.
I'm trying to keep in mind an oft-repeated phrase. "Let what you see here, who you saw here, what you heard here... Stay Here!" -- and, of course, almost everyone goes "Hear! Hear!" only to go out in the parking lot to jibber jabber about what they saw, who they saw and what they heard. but, I digress --
I chaired my HG tonight. Something happened that could have turned into a real shit show. I did my best to keep things focused in a recovery based mood, but it was hard for me. I wanted to do what was right, what was caring and understanding whilst keeping the meeting on track.
I think I did OK. I kept as calm and caring as I could, without doing what I felt like doing. Yelling, "STFU and Listen!" I actually feel somewhat... what? traumatized?? Rattled, for sure. Heck, just looking at what I have typed so far and seeing all the typos I've produced, yeah, I'm rattled.
I think I did OK? No, I did what was right for the moment. Whatever may occur afterwards is out of my purview, my control. But, I mean, Fuck!!
And as a saddening side note, I found out just how powerful, how insidious, how devastating this disease of mine is and can be. We lost another member to this fucking disease. Someone who had decades (yes, decades!!) of clean time. Which only goes to show me that I need to be ever vigilant in my recovery, because Clean Time does NOT equal recovery!!!
And the beat goes on... so, I gotta Stay Strong.
Keep The Faith*
Hm. As a side note, it appears that the member who I was told had passed has, in fact, not. I don't know where that information came to the person who told me, but I am just reminded of how I started this entry.
ReplyDeleteAll that blah-blah about seeing and hearing, etc.