Principles before Personalities

What did I say in my last entry? Something about not being here for a while? Yeah...

Again, Home Group (HG) tonight. I had received a phone call from a friend, a member, earlier today. He left a rather cryptic message about group conscience. No idea what he was talking about. He said he was going to work late tonight, but would see me at the meeting.

Well, tonight was our Group Conscience meeting (business meeting, fyi). An issue was brought up about an incidence at the last week's meeting. It dealt with the fellow who called me today. The issue was handled pas des problèmes.

However, my friend was a no show by the time our break was ending. I decided to head home and give my friend a call to make sure all was OK, or as OK as OK can be. I told a few members of my HG where I was going and why.

I spoke with him after I got home and learned what had happened last week after  the meeting. It appears that one long time member of our group went on a bit of a "tirade" with my friend and another member. And a second member, a long-timer also, told my friend that he had "fucked up". 

I've known both these folks for a very long time and respect their recoveries. However, after what I heard had happened I was upset, to say the least. To act in such a way with a relative newcomer was inexcusable. I've walked away from an HG because of such an occurrence.

The difference this time around is 1) I've changed in my recovery and 2) I wasn't there and did not see or hear what went down in the two cases I listed. I told my friend that it was a non-issue, imho, and to not fret overly much about what had happened.

I honestly thought that maybe it was time to find a new HG. But, sanity prevailed. I realized that both those members, even with their clean times and recoveries therein, might just have been having a bad day. They reacted instead of simply responding. Far too many times in my dark & mysterious life in recovery, I let one person push me away from that which is my life saver. By doing so, forgetting all the other people who I have come to rely on to help show me that better way of life.

Those two members who so shabbily treated another member will still be a part of my own recovery. As long as they and I keep coming back, we will be there. I can't let the actions of a few sway me from my own path because it would mean that I  would suffer. And I don't need that sort of shit in my life.

Keep The Faith*

Home Group

It has been oh-so long a time since I have been here.I would love to say that I will be here more often, but, well... promises are best unsaid. Hmm...?

I went to my Home Group last night. I popped my name into the basket to share about an experience I had a long long time ago about Tradition 11. 
Say what??
Tradition 11:
"Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films."

Yadda.

I sat. I waited. I listened. I Learned!! I never got the opportunity to share my ESH on Tradition 11.

But. But... I got the amazing opportunity to hear some of the most amazing sharing I have heard at a meeting in years! Fuck, YEARS, yeah!!

I adjusted my anticipated share to include the utter Gratitude I was feeling. For my Home Group, for being a part of Recovery in Narcotics Anonymous, for NA as a whole AND to be alive & clean today because of NA.

I'm not going to regale you of that miniscule iota I wanted to share. Suffice to say that I was so overwhelmed by the sharing of all the members who spoke... well, my words would have meant nothing. Well, yeah, someone may have gotten something... but, I digress.

Remember. It is all about me? Right?! Even tho' I did not get the chance to say what I wanted to say, I was totally grounded in what I have been doing for the past JFTs to the point of utter... what? WOW?

Narcotics Anonymous has kept me alive for a very long time. My efforts in staying clean and living the 12 Steps of NA has shown me what I need to do. I have found a way out. It happens to be (& eff you, traditionalists!! hehe, which I consider myself to be one!!)... Narcotics Anonymous!

Even with the decisions I face today, the life I need to incorporate today and the fact that I am still alive & clean today... I am grateful.

I mean, fuck, I sure as heck would "not"  be who I be today if not for what NA has given me. Some may not agree, but still, I Am Alive! Thank You, NA!!!

Keep The Faith*

I Am Tired

That phrase? "Sick and tired of being sick and tired"??

Me. In a nutshell. I try to do my best in this world. Follow the rules. Speak the truth, to my best ability. Let the powers that be know what is going on in my life.

My ass is truly beginning to hurt. I have been fucked far too many times by those very same powers that be. And I try, oh-so hard, to be grateful for all that I am offered. But, when the offerings become more and more butt-fucking, well... I tend to become combative.

I am utterly ready and willing to toss in the towel. I have no more fight left in me. Indeed, the urge to growl and snarl and scream bloody murder is very much a part of my psyche today. It's just that I know that anything... everything!! I do or say will be ignored. Trashed. Thrown under the bus. At least, I still have my Presto card to take me to those a-fore mentioned powers and... what? Cry boo-hoo? Tell them what for?? Threaten to......

Yeah, no matter what I say or do, I am fucked. Right here and now, or maybe two months or two years down the road, I am fucked. And I am utterly tired of being fucked by unknown and invisible entities that claim to be... what the fuck are they claiming to be??

Ah, right. My sore ass. They are the dicks who want to fuck and destroy anyone who does not conform utterly and totally to their strict regime of "Do what WE say!" or else we will change the rules to force you to your knees.

Yeah, not only is my ass sore, but my knees are taking a fucking beating also. I Am Tired. Tired of conforming. Tired of being honest. Tired of bending over and saying...
yes.  please, sir, i want some more...
Idiots. which includes yours truly...

Keep The Faith*

Welcome to the European Union!

Welcome to anyone from the EU who might just be reading my Blogg! It is oh-so good to see you here!!

Now, it is time for my rant. Fuck all of you governmental and intrusive legal watch-dogs in the European Union for making my life on this Interweb an utter pain.

I had to put up a "warning" on my website (robbsplace.net) to advise, ostensibly, anyone from the EU that I don't use fucking cookies on my website. And then, because I couldn't check the Google-ite monstrosity that hosts this blogg and stated they put up a cookie warning, well... I had to find and create a script to advise you fine regular folk of Google's intrusion in your lives. As if you didn't know that already...

The bitch of all that is that I have no idea if my creations and / or wordings are legally correct. Mayhap, I will receive a visit from Interpol advising of my transgressions. Which would be cool, since I might get meself an all expense-paid trip to Lyon, France. Woo-fucking-hoo.

There we go. All done whining. Not much more for me to do but to sit back and see if my travails were worth the effort.

Yeah, well, it would be nice to go to bed and SLEEP!

Keep The Faith*

To Sleep...

perchance to..... sleep??

Ah yes, another early morning awake. I went to bed relatively early (23:00), but had an odd-ball dream that woke me up. I went to the loo to do my business and back to bed, still tired. But, the ol' brain was in high gear, wondering incessantly about this, that and, naturally, the other thing about that very same dream that woke me... and my brain.

Shazbat! So, I turned on the computer. And, of course, spent a half hour wandering thru FB before coming here. Here was my first intention and yet...

Heck, no wonder I don't sleep or find it hard to stay asleep! I am just SO easily distracted!!
- - - ooooo, squirrel!! - - -

Keep The Faith*